Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Modest Proposal to Sarah Silverman

My friend had a dream where I was engaged to Sarah Silverman for some reason. So I sent her a myspace message: Oh but I sent it from the GoWolf page so I had to send it again. Good work, dumbass. (that was to me, not you)

"Sorry I sent this message from my bands site (did you check us out? Pretty rockin, right? That one song "DFW" we wrote in 1 night..can you tell?)

Miss Silverman,
Now I'm sure this is the type of thing you get all the time but please hear me out. My friend recently had a dream where we were engaged. I know we've never met, which is probably why you don't recognize me, but I gave it some thought and figured you seem like a pretty cool a real dude's chick, not a chick-chick. I'd like to see if we hit things off and then you can meet my parents, just try not to say any abortion jokes OMG!!! total JK! They love abortion jokes.

So a little about me- I'm 24, but am very mature for my age and am an aspiring writer (how was this message? Any grammar or syntax advice?) and actor. I've wanted to be an actor ever since I saw Dustin Hoffman in "Hook" and thought to myself "Hey, I can do that". And I would also like to be rich and/or famous but will settle for dating a celebrity (That's you).

I remember when I saw your cleavage on the cover of "Heeb magazine" and I knew from that moment that you were more than just another pretty face. I believe there are rumors circulating that you are now back dating Jimmy Kimmel again and let me tell you on behalf of America, Sarah, come on....come on, Sarah...Sarah. Sure I'll be the first to admit I may not be as successful as Jimmy Kimmel, I mean we all couldn't have hosted The Man Show and 'discovered' Carson Daly. But for the record, I've never been a douchey late-night talk show host, so when you're with me, baby, don't expect to have to fain interest in conversation and fake laughter while I do lame topical jokes and drag out monologues, oh, but did you hear when Monica Lewinsky was eating hot dogs and she...oh yeah, right, nevermind.

So also my penis is pretty cute if that helps seal the deal. Anyway hope to hear back soon and I want you to know I'm very serious about this. So don't be afraid that I'm just another loser who's gonna use you and never call you back.
Hope to hear back soon.

P.S. I met Dave Chappelle once and he told me he's known you for a long time so, ya know, we already have similar acquaintances, so it just kinda seems right.

P.S.S I'd be happy with just one date, preferably here in New York the next time you're in town. I'll wear a funny cat shirt and we'll see if the chemistry is right...which if my friends dream is any indication it will be ;) LOLZ OMG!!!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this letter is totally great! The part about hook was very orginal. This man is going places.