Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Summer Fashion Tips By Dov Charney

The recessions hard, need a job?
- 34 (Billy'burb)

::a2m? GB? AZN need apply! No LTR! Bring *snow*, Watersports a +,
>19 a big +, BDSM for BBC::
M4W, M4WW, M4MW, M4BBW, M4T (Post-op), oh fuck it, M4M, M4MM

Summer Fashion Tips
By Dov Charney

It’s that time again. Summer. Unlike me, it only cums once a year. So let’s
celebrate. Another hot American summer means only one thing…sweaty
teenagers fucking. While, I’m gettin to be an older man, I’ve fucked a lot of
teenagers. And most certainly, other men’s shares. Now I know I’m not the biggest hit with some uv u ladies but ‘ey, ya gotta admit, I make some pretty soft t-shirts.

Cover ya eyes, ladies, cuz here’s my Summer Fashion Tips.

1. Have a nice face. If ya gotten pretty uggoz over the winter, try coverin up
some a them big ass shades. Basically just look real cute. Like something
I could really stick my dick into.

2. Always keep an extra pair of tube socks in yer bag. It’ll cum in handy when
I cum on your tits in one of those beach bathrooms. Sometimes if a chick
looks real dirty, I might wear one as a condom.

3. Forgot to get rid of yer chubby fat ass before summer? Try wearin stripes.
My neice wears them and they cover up her fatass pretty well. Hell, sometimes it works so well I don’t even have to zone out to the Miley Cyrus poster on her wall when I’m fuckin here. What are you, her dad? Well, you don’t know which niece I’m talkin’ about!
(like you never got hard from a muppet?!)

4. The other day I had a dream that I was fuckin a waterfall. But then I woke
up with my dick in a mouth. So ladies surprise yrself and suck the dick of a
sleepin stranger every once in awhile. It might help ya learn to swallow something other than ya pride. Damn I’m good with words. I’m like Dov D. Salinger up in here.

5. No camel toe. Ladies, let’s get real—u got some gross parts, and let’s try
and keep it tight and clean. Dov Charney don’t need any reminders that
this ain’t ya first time doing blow in a millionaire’s hot tub.

6. So ya went and got yrslf all preggo for summer? It’s cool with the Dovster as long as the little fella don’t grab my dick while I’m all up in it.

7.That’s my lucky number. It’s exactly how many times I’ve jerked off while writing this. Take a tip from this broad and air out ya twat once in awhile.

8. Lose ya gag reflex. And if yer gonna work here, yer sense of disgust and belief in a moral universe.

9. Get a fat friend with a car. After I fuck, I tend to lose my motivation when it
cums to caring about a chick. La-Dov James, Bitches!

Those are the tips, lick ‘em up! Oh, and if you got yrself a summer job foldin’ t-shirts at American Apparel don’t be such a prude when yr boss just wants to feel ya insides.

And remember, Legalize Arizona and help overturn the 4th amendment of Arizona Senate Bill 1070.

Have a fun, safe summer!

American A-farewell,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now that the anti-science, superstition-based initiative presidency is over, we need Manhattan projects to boost us out of this Grotesque Depression. First we must provide free advertising-based wimax wireless internet to everyone to end land line monopolies. Renationalize the telephone companies like 1917 and the DTV fiasco and internet under a renationalized post office. It's not enough to make Boston-NY-Washington high spped, we need to connect the Boston end to Pittsburg, Chicago and Minneapolis and the Washington end to Charlotte, Birmingham and Texas. Because bovine flatulence is the major source of greenhouse gases, we must develop home growable microbes to provide all of our protein. We must finally join the metric system and take advantage of DTV problems to create a unified global standard for television and cellular instead of this Anglo Saxon competitive waste. We must address that most illness starts from behavior, especially parents. Since paranoid schizophrenia is the cause of racism, bigotry, homelessness, terrorism, ignorance, exploitation and criminality, we must provide put the appropriate medications, like lithium, in the water supply and require dangerous wingnuts who refuse free mental health care to be implanted with drug release devices. Churches should be licensed to reduce supersition and all clergy dealing with small children should be psychiatrically monitored to prevent molesting. We need to psychiatrically regulate the preachers and teachers that produce these creatures. Osama bin Laden and Timothy McVeigh were the ultimate superstition based initiatives. Folks wouldn't have to go to bigoted superstitious gatherings like churches if labor unions had more family dances, afterschool activities and even owned sports teams to build loyalty! Aborting future terrorists and sterilizing their parents is the most effective homeland security. Pregnancy is a shelfish, environmentally desturctive act and must be punished, not rewarded with benefits, preference and leave. Widen navigation straits (Gibraltar, Suez, Malacca, Danube, Panama, Hellspont) with deep nukes to prevent war. To fund this we must nationalize the entire financial, electrical and transportation system and extinguish the silly feudal notion that each industry should be regulated by its peers. Technology mandates a transformation of tax subsidies from feudal forecloseable debt to risk sharing equity. Real estate and insurance, the engines of feudalism, must be brought under the Federal Reserve so we may replace all buildings with hazardous materials to provide public works. Collectors, bounty hunters and private investigators are mercenaries operating on the edge of the law. Insects, flooding and fire spread asbestos, lead and mold which prematurely disables the disadvantaged. Disposable manufactured housing assures children are not prematurely disabled and disadvantaged. The only reason one engages in atomistic, shelfish small business is to avoid rules. Even Milton Friedman showed that small business creating jobs is unprovable because of survival bias (J Eco Lit, Vol. 30, No. 4, pp. 2129-2132). In today's complex New Industrial State (J K Galbraith), you do a better job if you are a large contractor because you have all kinds of compliance controls in place and superior information than if you are on you own. Because feudalism is the threat to progress everywhere, we must abolish large land holdings by farmers, foresters or religions and instead make all such large landholding part of the forest service so our trees may diminish greenhouse gases. We must abolish this exploitative idea of trade and monopoly and make every manufactured disposable cottage self sufficient through the microbes we invent.