Monday, September 21, 2009

Here's my Option: Fuck the Public! Obamacare Explained by Ralph Wigglesworth

Some(1) have tried to ease concerns about President Obama's plan to reform health-care by stating that at this point there isn’t exactly a specific bill to be for or against. Well, as an avid reader of New York Post headlines and Sarah Palin’s Tweets I can assure you that Ralph Wigglesworth has already heard all he needs to know.

To be frank, what it is I'm hearing is that even after last week's hugely successful public Tea-bagging of Washington much of the public (this is the same selfish public that's for a public-option...what a coincidence!!) finds the arguments of the protesters to be illegitimate as well stupid, brain-washed and ultimately irrelevant. If using my God-given right to fight against my better interests is "stupid", "brain-washed" and "ultimately irrelevant" (as some moronically biased writers have stated) then I'm as American as an Eagle fucking an Apple Pie during a Baseball game.

The 9/12 protest was a gathering of real Americans...and was the voice of a substantial amount of the public (again, that’s the real public..not that stupid public-option wanting public). Some pictures showed the crowd having as many members 1997's gathering of the Promise-Keepers (2) and according to Glenn Beck "the University of I Can't Remember" (3) claimed that the protest had an attendance of up to 1.7 million people...that's almost 30 times the estimates from the mainstream media which shows clearly that they’ve been hijacked by a bunch of gays, jews, blacks, and illegal spi—Alright, Ralph, take it slow… lets just move on to the debate.

Well Libs (4) or Dems (5), allow me to clear up some issues at the center of the fight against Obama-care that you don't seem to understand. The voice of the tea-baggers is one that should be included in the health care debate (yes, yelling "You Lie!" during The President's address to Congress IS part of our contribution) if not just for the simple fact that we are currently the loudest, which in modern-American politics means we’re winning regardless of what the polls say.

First off, the "public-option" maybe an “option” but it’s an “option” that takes from my taxes. It’s MY taxes. Some lazy schmuck who’s too lazy to get a third job to cover his insurance premiums suddenly wants to get a free ride from the government and ol’ Ralph Wigglesworth is left picking up the tab and leaving the tip. These job-less, crack-smokin, probably AIDS-spreadin’ America-haters just got one of the benefits that comes from having a stable employer…HEALTH INSURANCE! The same kind of health care I EARNED by having a job and that I benefit from as long as I stay within the guidelines of my insurance company and continue to avoid pre-existing conditions (which I admit is becoming harder and harder) as well as meet the criteria of a qualifications board, etc.

So a bunch of spanish-flea-infested, hole-in-their-boot-straps, sickly poor people check “yes, can I have some more please?” when it comes to health-care and the Government springs into action but where’s Ralph’s chance to check “No, get a job you 45 Million uninsured hippies!”? Nowhere, that’s where! I didn’t hear diddly-shit from George W. Bush about a “Public Option” but now we got Obama trying to pour piles of MY cash back into the ghettos for all of his damn lazy, black brothers and sis—On to the next point.

Ok, let’s get to the issue of this plan being, oh, I dunno, NAZI-esque. For one thing, the rise in referring to Obama as "Hitler" is a backlash to the image of The One being seen as the Democratic Messiah. As all good Christian tea-baggers are aware, if Obama is your messiah- then count us as politically Jewish (in that we are still waiting for a Republican Abraham W. Reagan if you will). Also the democrats started it, so if you can’t take the heat then don’t start making references to the oven.

The Nazi claim stems from the universal fear of Eugenics; which to be fair is the culmination of science, health-care, socialism, and Hollywood-style good looks (all things I’ve been railing against for years). If the government starts to oversee Health Care they will have to maintain their budget by overseeing who is approved for what types of operations and treatments. As the Government starts to slowly control these Death-spitals (6) they have to start limiting the treatment given to Americans who aren’t as “prosperous” to our overall society. So pretty soon it’s “sorry Grandma, gotta pull the plug! Obama’s Death Panel said you’re Christmas cookies just weren’t good enough so better luck next life!!”. Now what do we have, folks? We got our typical white grandmothers being sent to the grave because some black man wants t—Alright, one last point.

Lastly, some (by “some” I mean Jimmy Carter, obviously) have said that this debate isn’t even necessarily about healthcare at all and that it’s just all racism. That’s ridiculous. As can be seen by photos from the Tea-Bagging there were numerous minorities (i.e. Black people) who are also against Socialized healthcare AND hate black people in power.

How long must US good ol’ American folk suffer at the hands of some foreign totalitarian oppressor. Never in history has there been a greater example of ..oh fuck it, I’ll just say it….Christian, White Americans being made to feel like a such a victim from liberals, Blacks and Muslims who wanna steal our rights! What did we ever do to deserve this? (7) America, it makes me sick!! Just not sick enough to actually vote for a Public-option.

1. Code-word for "I'm too lazy to do actual research right now", but I assure you “some” have said this.
2. Specifically the photo of the 1997's Gathering of the Promise-Keepers in Washington DC that was used to pass off as an actual photo from the Health-care protest on September 12, 2009.
3. And that was from a University, folks. I thought liberals looovvved Universities and trusted everything they said?
4. By "libs" I am referring to the 70% of Americans who are for a Public-Option regardless of their political party standings.
5. Same logic applies here.
6. Like a regular hospital expect haunted by the souls of good honest hard working traditional Americans. They will most likely be killed off early on as they own most of the guns.
7. I suppose I could look in a textbook to actually see if there are such examples of White Christians or even White Christian Americans causing immense suffering to other religious or ethnic groups but I feel I’m right and it would just be a complete waste of time….not to mention every time I see that damn monkey-man evolution chart I get so madddd….grrrr… I could just throw my own shit all over that chart!!!!

Ralph Wigglesworth was the Neo-Conservative host of "The Great Debate" from 2006 to 2008. He currently lives in a cabin with a HAM radio and his Golden Labridor named "Oliver North for President". He will soon be releasing "The Jeffersonian Bible 2: Judgment Day" a reverse version of The Jeffersonian Bible made up of only the passages of the New Testament that focus on Christ's miracles and divinity.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Late-Summer Nights Dream

The beginning is incredibly hazy.
My youngest brother and I are seated within the old home of our grandparents.
The house the family sold in 2005 after they had both passed that summer.
A couch lined the wall that faces the wide-open window opening up the front of their house.
Adjacent are two recliners.
I was seated in my grandfathers chair and my brother in the other.
Somewhere along the way a cop appeared inside the home in front of the couch.
I immediately stood up in horror and attempted to get him to exit.
He said he was only there to look for a cat.
I informed him that we didn't own a cat so his reason for entering was unjustified.

Outside of the front door on the bottom steps was an orange cat.
His sides were ripped open and bleeding; black and red.
The cats glassy eyes stared intensely with deep fear into an blank abyss.
The eyes of a horror that stems from a life on the brink between life and death.
The eyes that see nothing but the creeping fate of entering the depth of the unknown.

The cat was in such horror that it violently shook its legs.
As in the age of ignorance when a paramedic would grip a child in a seizure, this was a situation where you are accepting of the trauma of the other and know that you will be hurt in your attempt to help.
As such, I carried the bleeding cat into the house as it clawed and scratched me in an attempt to save itself by gripping on to what it knew was real as well as to cope with its suffering.

As the cat laid in the bathtub my brother and the cop used the showerhead to wash the blood down the drain.
The orange cat was now white.

I could feel the pain of the deep clawed scratches in my chest as I stared again into the fearful eyes of the cat.
My brother and the cop talked to each other about the first time they'd seen the face of Timothy McVeigh.

(When I was still half-asleep writing this seemed like a much better idea)