Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The National-Socialist Manifesto for America:

(To be mass produced and distributed freely to all schools, banks, churches, bars, whorehouses, union lobbies, political parties and all other communities of good faith)


Are you tired of the pejorative use of the term "Socialism", "Fascism" and the high-jacking of the word "Patriot" as well as the right to a love of Freedom?

As fertile youthfully minded leftist Obama supporters plan the future; The National-Socialist Party is their party!
Turn off Keith Olberman and stop yelling at Glenn Beck!


Now is the time. Newsweek has proclaimed "WE ARE ALL SOCIALISTS NOW!" While I would never question our proudly liberal media it is true that America has a future that is destined to be made up of more than just your simple European-Laissez-Faire-La-di-Da-Can-I-Borrow-A-Quarter-Socialists under its newly-welcomed Socialist Presidential Administration.

We are Americans! We are Patriotic! We are NATIONAL-SOCIALISTS!! We are one nation UNDER OBAMA! FREE at last!

We mustn't fear a redistribuiton of wealth as we are running low on wealth to redistribute! Our wealth comes from within! We must never forget that we are the ones we've been waiting for! We are all Obama and Obama is US!

CHANGE has come to AMERICA:

We were dying! We cried for help! We demanded an end to the specter that haunted us so severely in recent times.
We prayed for an answer. OBAMA has come as that answer.

AMERICA is restoring its image! Thanks to the rising power of our fearless, charismatic and impossible-not-to-love PRESIDENT we have gracefully returned to being the shining city upon a hill!!

This shall be displayed to all as we wear the symbol of his glorious rising sun as a literal arm-band of honor! Our soft drinks will proudly display this symbol!! We will be reminded of it on billboards of said soft drinks that will reinforce positive phrases like "Joy", "Love" ,"Pop" and "Hope".

However, not all is well. The Democratic Party has a name that is going to be tarnished just as the name The Republican Party is so openly despised today. As members of that Vile Vermin, the first being Arlen "Specter that haunts us", sneak into the new RISING, RULING PARTY of AMERICA we must distance ourselves from those who oppose the CHANGE(!) our fearless leader has promised our GREAT NATION.

We must distance ourselves from all former political parties and create one single party that works for all Americans!!

The NATIONAL-SOCIALIST PARTY! as if that was not already evident by this point.

What About the CHILDREN?:

We must not allow Sarah Palin or Joe the Plumber anywhere near our Children!!! Our Children will be sent to education camps known as "Public Schools" where they will be taught Math, Evolution and Political-Correctness!! They shall wear cute little uniforms every morning as they Pledge their Allegiance!!

The Boy Scouts will forced to allow gays to join in the fun of homoerotic experimentation at summer camps!! They shall now be referred to as the OBAMA YOUTH! Our children will be forced to participate in shameful sex education courses where they will proudly and openly be given condoms!!..For which they will use during premarital SEX!!

Is their HOPE for TOMORROW?:

We are demanding regulations on all evil, greedy, and polluting corporate business!! These qualifications of such terms will be arbitrary as we will hate all companies whose CEO's are old ugly white men whose eyes we do not trust. We call for a Nationalizing of our failing Banks! We are demanding a outlaw on all that capitalism allows us to be harmed!! This includes all physical, emotional, social, financial, intellectual, romantic, mental, spiritual or fictitious pain that can be blamed on a functioning business!! We shall ban Tans-Fats and all Carbs as we Tax our soda! and Finally, We Must undoubtedly have mandatory Minorities in the finalists of American Idol!!

We have already passed S-Chip, the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, put a time-table on the Iraq War, purchased a puppy and are moving towards denouncing torture. (allowing our NEW AMERICAN STANDARD to openly affect the lives of children, women, the younger generation to whom we owe so much, the media and common decency). But is this enough as the Republican Party lies in a ditch waiting among us to strike once more? To prevent no future Republican Revolutions, all True-Blue Americans must ask ourselves: What is the final solution to the Republican question?


Much has been said of the shrinking Conservative base of the Republican party that has left our beloved country in such a state as it is today. Their Grand Old Party is squiring like rats, after they had feasted on the accomplishments of the preceding more socialist leader(s) who had brought peace and prosperity.

Their party caused division, and distrust amongst our people. Their final leader, with his beady eyes and pointy nose led his rats into our schools and churches and forced us to be poorer and more ignorant than we had been in decades (or at least a little over a half of one decade).

Now they have no country, no home, and have squeaked loudly enough to hear only on one day this year with their pathetic teabags on how they don't even wish to contribute to the growth and upstart of the New Rising Socialist America. Obama's America! An America where our children will be free of a world of Evangelical Conservative Republicans!!

The Evangelical Republican Right Wing of this country whines and complains while playing the role of the victim to garner our sympathy and pity! They are rats and undeserving of our sympathy, our pity, our time or our respect!!

WHAT is to be DONE?

The republicans are TRAITORS! to our country and our handsome PRESIDENT!!! They are not worthy to witness his thrilling and captivating speeches that have United, once again, our UNITED States. They have cost us our image by tearing Iraq into shambles. For this I offer only one solution: American Prisons in Iraq...for all TRAITORS!!!

They have utilized secret prisons in Europe and have proudly displayed to the world the atrocities of Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay. I offer no other option but to separate these TRAITORS from The Socialist Nation of Obama and use their own tax dollars to separate and contain them within their own prisons.

For those who wish to not support the NEW RISING SOCIALIST AMERICA through their taxes, they shall be blacklisted and forced to earn the money that they would owe in taxes by collecting all that trickles down in newly built LABOR CAMPS(!!) that will also be built not only with their money....but OUT of their money!!!

YES, THAT IS CORRECT! The GREEDY and covetous rats, that are the remaining Republicans who slither around us, will be held in camps made entirely of bricks bound out of the cotton that is our legal tender.

As sickness spreads through these heathens we will offer no health care options. By which, we must be very careful with how we define the term "universal". Their hardest workers can pick themselves up from their bootstraps and teach themselves how to be doctors! If this does not occur we shall allow them once a week to gather where they can pray to their 6,000 year old god, whose name we shall no longer capitalize, for a cure to their illnesses.

Those who act out inside the labor camps will face the wrath of a newly stated military policy!! For we shall remove "Don't ask, Don't Tell" and it shall be replaced with "Try it, You Might Like It" where homophobic dissenters will be forced to have a homosexual experience ....and with a black man(!) who they will refer to only as My Commander-in-Chief.

We shall openly reject their plan to place Ronald Reagan (whose name makes NEW SOCIALIST AMERICANS vomit) on the 10 Dollar bill. His face is not worthy of our toilet paper and will be outright banned on reasons of unwarranted dissent alone!


All Dissent will now be strictly controlled. All Ayn Rand books will be collected and shat in for being as stupid as they are long and boring!!! During any open protests we shall surround the dissenters and parade them with cheers of OBAMA! OBAMA! USSA!

No, fuck it, We must PUT AN END to DISSENT ALTOGETHER!! We must hurry and pass the Fairness Doctrine silencing the radio voice that speaks ILL of our PRESIDENT and promotes propaganda that could inhibit our ultimately socialist goals.

All American Cheeseburgers will be sold only with Dijoun Mustard!! No regular mustard shall be permitted as its color represents cowardice. Ketchup shall not be permitted as its RED is a reminder of two things that induce nausea and discontent in the stomachs and hearts, respectively, in all TRUE NEW NATIONAL-SOCIALIST AMERICANS. Fore, It is the color of the burning political right wing, and its brand is associated with Sen. Kerry who failed to lead us or his swift boat buddies to any thing close to victory! We must make it mandatory that they are never served without a side of FASCIST fries, presented solely to ween the public on the idea that FASCISM in AMERICA is DELICIOUS!!


THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS!!! WE SHALL LEAD THE WAY TO A NEW SOCIALIST EMPIRE in our bumper-stickered Volvos that exhaust fumes of rainbows and sunshine while holding our new Starbucks Travel companion carrying packs (yeah, did you hear about that? They're fuckin sweet...and we get like 12 espressos! I know!!)!!!

Hail OBAMA! and God Bless the USSA!


-Joel Straley, 2009

Monday, May 18, 2009

Teh Ebeo riet emeth hpiti

1: An Avant Garde Essay
2: The Same Avant Garde Essay Spell-Checked

Teh Ebeo riet emeth hpiti
Jole Srtaylie (1)

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sdfgh gh heii ieqe dwe hqq gie, eqeqjeqe. Eqjjnncm qkfghbb. Po kipre eqeqqwqw; pul.l :;:

Bqwq no cpoc loe jeld. Whahee Ksa lloe owwe bndge. Qoup il cppr gib fruo qpp rmrkbly dffrntly fmro teh ed let, antp-et ad tainst lal re: regimes. Quisque sed libero vel elit porta pharetra id ac nibh. Ekio there sure as fuck is nothing hidden in here. powhre si si is aha stil ardsbk. Crkuon a()p [kil ppl. kll ppl. kil pepl. kil popl. kill people. ys] G'n'f'n'r. Quyu ipso ajp X. sa ope oiik area51 swsep khhjol. Appl Bnn Crrt Dte Eveerm.

A bst ni eak ao pp, clitz ak47 sttres vctio flal . Twix PB. Arcn peffe ieo sitt ot povr proves ym fthar ea keff e.g. i.e. CC: What, no [i]Lord Krishna von Goloka[/i]?

Dieter Moebius and Hans-Joachim Roedelius rea lturesp, like carrots in a blender.

Eveerm khhjol sa ope oirk worf to yr mthr. Bqwq il cpprcpoc ldnbn sperber kerber yoshi kurby pucket, nibh nhlits dedicated to P,L&D. reurst itts. ld; on {teh rd of stdnt life} five "Pro-situs".

Unniosdens etus metus vestibulum tellus.


TRANSLATED (to the best of Spell-Checks ability):

The Ebeo riet emeth hpiti
Joel Straley (2)

Morel gypsum dolor sit mate, consecrated disciplining elite. Afghan ugh heist Ieyasu wed hdqrs gite, Po kipped; pool.l :;:

BBQ no epoch floe held. Whale Ska. sloe ow we badge. Soup ail ppr big four app remarkably differently form the ed let, ant-set ad taints cal re: regimes. Quisling tied libero veil elite portal pharaohs id ac nigh. Eskimo there sure as fuck is nothing hidden in here. powder see sigh is aha still arduous. Cronus a()p [keel pal. kill cpl. kiln peel. kilt pool. kill people. yes].G'n'f'n'r. Query tipsy. ajar X. Isa ope oink area51 sweep. Apple Bananas Carrot Date. Everyman.

A best nee each Mao pp, blitz ak47 stares action flail . Twix PB. Arch deffer video tits to poverty proves my farther ea eff e.g. i.e. CC: What, no [i]Lord Krishna Von Molokai[/i]?

Dieter Amoebic and Hans-Joachim Delius era culture, like carrots in a blender.

Evermore as ope irk wolf to yr mother. Pale ail. Baldness sperm. Gerber Yoshi Kurd bucket, nibs The Slits (dedicated to P,L&D). Reuters mitts. old; on {the road of student life} five "Pro-suits".

Unoffensive fetus mutes vestigial tells.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Women Who Fuck Like Men: An Essay Concering the Creampie

And How It Relates To The Goals Of The Feminist Movement
Joel Straley

I declare that women, or as more often is the case, female adult-film stars, who partake in the act of receiving male ejaculate inside their vagina, in what is known in pornography as a "creampie", are dramatically pushing forward the ideals of feminism. What is supposed to be a pornographic niche is exposing new ways women are taking control of their bodies.

It can be said that this has occurred throughout all of history, even though it has only been made relatively safe within the last century. However it is now a popular part of a specific form of entertainment, which means once it becomes a more popular topic of discussion it will be closer to reaching broader acceptance in society at large.

This is, of course, when viewing this act as nothing more than a form of pleasure. I can imagine many women reading that line and asking themselves "how exactly are they deriving pleasure from this?". Well, I don't know what pleasure women get from having a penis in their mouth either, but a lot claim that they do and I'm not about to dispute it. Either that or my whole life has been a lie. I digress.

In this case I am defining feminism as the ideology that encourages the breaking down of gender barriers and allows more equality between men and women in a societal view. To make more clear, allow me to break down the conventional views of both genders reproductive organs and how this interplays with the societal view of the sexual phenomena of "the creampie".

A creampie being a pornographic term for the act that fetishizes the most basic human interaction that causes procreation to the point that it is considered obscene and graphic.

While almost a majority of males arrogantly take pride in their reproductive organs, from displaying them in cartoon forms everywhere they can to bragging about their size to occasionally being an extension of their ego, an almost equal majority of females often feel shame regarding their reproductive organs until coming to terms with their vagina.

I would imagine that women feel pride more in the purpose of their organ in relation to child birth than it as an organ for pleasure. In the case of men they almost never regard their penis as a "source of future human life".

There is seldom a 'coming to terms with' period when males adjust to their gender (This can be seen in Freud's theory of Penis envy by young girls). This is something that as time moves on is being more confronted and more discouraged. This explains the overwhelming success of forums such as The Vagina Monologues that openly confront female issues concerning what is often a shame that is unnecessarily attached to the vagina.

In my opinion, I would suggest it has to do with the form of the object and how it relates to the concept that our minds created for it. In other words, since the concept of the 'vagina' carries such weight in the human mind, there is a gap in confronting the realities that it is nothing more than a dividend between the legs.

This should not be seen in anyway to demean the concept of the vagina and its overwhelmingly important role within humanity. I'm simply suggesting that our concept of the vagina is contrasted between what we know about its purpose and its physical appearance. And out of this contrast comes many of our preconceptions of it.

On the other hand, the penis is the opposite both in its perceived concept and its physical form. It is essentially the biological opposite, as instead of being a sexual organ consisting of a flesh tube with two ovaries on the inside, it is a flesh tube on the outside displayed with two testicles.

Shame is something that one can easily detach themselves from, since if one easily can detach themselves from their present state shame quickly fades. So as many women maintain a self-conscious connection to their vagina, men, more often than not, mentally detach themselves from their penis.

One of the most dramatic and extreme examples of this is in the cases of rape where a man detaches himself from his penis so far that he is in fact using it as an outside weapon. This is shown in the well-documented fact that rape is almost always about power rather than sexual gratification.

It can be seen now how women cannot obtain the same detachment to that degree, yet the act of the 'creampie' is pushing women in that direction. The act of rape is obviously the extreme of this, and it should be noted that detachment is in no way a negative action. A detachment for one's reproductive organ, it can be argued, is the entire mental pre-requisite for sex and in particular sex for pleasure.

Since we all understand that the act of giving a 'creampie' is the essential act of creating human life this attachment to the concept of their vagina by women and detachment of the penis by men becomes even more clear. One of the main interest of feminist thought is to confront and disprove the unfair and often ignorant views that are placed upon women. One such view is that women are prudish when it comes to sexual relations. This is constantly reinforced in television, movies and virtually all areas of entertainment with the overwhelming (and fairly obvious) exception of pornography.

Anyone, male/female/ect., who has had sexual relations with any female ever can certainly claim that the enjoyment was reciprocal with all parties regardless of gender. Women who are more comfortable with their bodies as a whole, and having less shame and more pride about their vagina tend to be more open about engaging in sex. This is not to suggest that it causes an increase of promiscuity, which would clearly be based on other, and at this point in the discussion; irrelevant, variables.

One obvious reason that such a stereotype and misconception exist is based on an obvious truth. This truth is the fact that any time a women has sexual intercourse with a man she runs the risk of carrying this mans child, even with protection. In unprotected conditions a "creampie" is the clearest path to this predicament, as everyone knows, but not to downplay the act of conception. The case of a man leaving a women to carry the child alone are vast and beyond the point of even being a shocking statistic anymore. This only further reinforces the male detachment from what is caused by his penis and the strong attachment that is inherent in the females concept of her vagina.

Creampies are generally practiced with caution and concern and are probably thought of by many as nothing more than an appeal to a specific fetish demographic within pornography. While not necessarily removed from all shame in regards to their body, pornographic actresses are clearly less self-conscious about exposing and utilizing their bodies in such a way. It is arguable amongst feminist on whether pornography is championing or degrading women.

However the feminist movement prides itself on supporting reproductive rights for women and supporting technology that expands it such as the birth control pill and safe medical procedures like abortion. The existence of these achievements for women that are praised by the feminist movement is exactly what the phenomenon of the 'creampie' is reliant upon. This is pleasurable, not procreative, sex and the right to the enjoyment of the body fully utilizing these achievements. It is in a way a logical progression whether it is viewed as such in society or not.

When Margaret Sanger was fighting for the right and acceptance of birth control in our society I'm sure the act of pornographic 'creampies' wasn't what she had in mind, yet I would argue that if she had given it some thought I doubt she would be against it. It has allowed women to, in a sense, triumph over nature for what can be viewed as simply a bizarre fetish.

While methods of safe sex allowed women to move forward in a grounded and scientific sense, this pornographic niche is allowing women to move forward in a broader conceptual sense, which many will agree is the ultimate goal of feminism anyway with its support for openness towards gender and sexuality.

When women begin to fuck as openly and indiscriminately with their bodies as men often do, and I mean this in many different degrees, then they shall truly be more able to openly express and accept themselves and their bodies without shame.

It should be noted that the author does not consider himself to be a feminist and has never owned a "This is what a feminist looks like" shirt, however he does own a "I Heart Boobs" shirt to support Breast Cancer awareness.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Lady Godiva is Naked

by Joel Straley

That girl on the horse is naked
Who cares what she’s saying

The voice of Lady Godiva in no one’s eyes can I find
I’m too busy peeping at your body to pretend to care for your mind
A myth I’d rather not believe
From now until I step in the grave I’ll never leave

S/he leads a life similar to mine
But I’m sure s/he is much more satisfied
I feel our passion derives from thinking
But it’s easier to get the same feeling from drinking
Such a sad state of affairs
When affairs in the state is the only way anyone will care
Let down your hair, Kick off your shoes
Everyone’s screaming a different version of the blues
Just keep buying world wars and forbidden sex
Cause isn’t power and wealth how we’re taught to measure success?
Why even bother to pretend we can feel
And focus on any meaning in existence that’s real
Any institution that’s offering you freedom
Is just a master beating you so you know that you need ‘em

Keep me occupied with Coca-Cola and masturbation
And I won’t realize all that you’re taking

Lady Godiva may be dead and no one can recall what it was she said
But I guess it’s alright because isn’t she still naked?